So considering New Years Resoultions regarding dieting normally only last a few days- I blame the lure of leftover Christmas sweets. JEM and myself thought that we would share with you some ancient dieting facts, facts which you may never knew even existed.

Oh the crazzzzy world of dieting...
  • Chocolate is good for you as it contains milk- milk is good for calcium. Its also contains hormones which calm women down, it has the opposite effect on men- makes them hyper.
  • Chocolate is also counted as one of your five a day as it is made from cocoa BEANS.  Bean = vegetable.  Therefore, chocolate must be vegetable.
  • Jaffa cakes are doubly good for you because they contain the chocolate vegetable AND the orange flavouring.  Orange is a fruit.Therefore, one Jaffa Cake = two of your five - a - day.
  • Broken Biscuits contain no calories. The process of breaking the biscuit causes calorie leakage.
  • Anything licked off the knife as you are preparing the family's sandwiches has a negative calorie value
  • If you drink a diet coke while eating a chocolate bar, the calories in the chocolate bar are cancelled by the diet coke.
  • Flavoured water contains fruit juice, fruit = one of your five a day. Mixed fruit juice = your five a day.
  • Nandos is super healthy for you- pitta = good, chicken = good, chips = good. The peri peri spicy sauce speeds your metabolism up- therefore you can eat more. Also the diet coke rule applies here.
  • Shopping burns a higher proportion of calories if the store is busy and you have to evade other shoppers regularly - especially in Primark on a Saturday afternoon. 
  • Also, the excitement of snapping up a bargain increases your metabolism which means you need to stop for a cake afterwards if you get a very cheap jumper...
  • Anything consumed at the movies (i.e popcorn, drink, hotdog) is counted as part of the whole entertainment package and therefore does not have any significant calorie value.  This also counts if you sit in and eat icecream on the sofa as long as you are enjoying Coronation Street.
  • If your clothes feel tight on you- its not because you have put on weight, its because a) they've shrunk in the wash, b) someone in the shop has put the wrong size tag on.
  • If you are eating out with a friend then the calories don't count as long as she eats more than you do.
  • A pregnant friend is your secret diet weapon.  Feeling fat? Go stand next to her.  Wanting to eat lots? I bet she can eat more.
  • On a night out pasoa and lemonade class as one of your 5 a day (passionfruit = good), a double = two of your 5 a day. A pitcher = fruit intake for a week etc etc. This rule can also apply to cherry/apple sours, flavoured vodka, flavoured schnapps etc.
  • Oh for wine- grapes are good for you- more wine = more vitamins consumed.